Curry and Questioning – Part 2 of 2

My Burmese family, the refugees and immigrants who are my neighbors, and of course, the staff at Siloam have stretched me, pushed me, and challenged me from all different directions.

Students have enjoyed the heartfelt worship of a local Burmese congregation.

Students have enjoyed the heartfelt worship of a local Burmese congregation.

I can only hope that the result is a transformed individual, armed with the means to enter the healthcare field to both serve my patients and my Lord. I have been exposed to so much this past month I don’t believe I can make a sound judgment yet on how I will be able to live out all I have learned or exactly how much I have changed – I may never truly know.

Right now, however, I am at a crisis stage.

Four weeks into the project, I have gotten too comfortable. Most of the “newness,” adventure, and uniqueness of Siloam has worn off. I am still excited to wake up every morning but it isn’t the same. In two weeks my life will be turned back upside down and I don’t know how to approach it. I am scared of leaving and going back to my old way of life.

After witnessing so many people invite God into the workplace as well as their heart and mind, how can I let go of myself and allow Him to work through me? And why is it that even though they were forced to flee the homes that they love, the faith of the Burmese has been unwavering and full of thanksgiving, while my life of blessings only yields further questions for the God I love?

Perhaps these questions – while frustrating in the moment – will produce a stronger faith. For now, there are many thoughts I have had which will influence how I intentionally approach not only my career but my life in a more humble and Christ-driven manner.

In her book, No Greater Love, Mother Teresa speaks of humility and how it is a way of drawing closer to God. After laying down most of my luxuries so far this summer and experiencing several aspects of poverty I have been able to reflect a lot on myself and what it means – as Jesus said – to “sell all your possessions and give the money to the poor and then follow Me.” (Matthew 19:21)

Mother Teresa says in her book, “Needs increase because one thing calls for another. This results in uncontrollable dissatisfaction. Let us remain as empty as possible so that God can fill us up.”

For me, this summer has severed the desire for more needs and placed me in a better position to empty myself and allow God to fill me up. So far He has filled me with a greater desire to pursue Him and to look for the presence of Jesus in other people. Witnessing this happen in the interactions between practitioners and patients at Siloam gives me an even greater desire to pursue medicine as a career.

Despite all of the questions I have accrued, I know that I will continue to gather more as my walk continues. Hopefully, these last few weeks will answer many of them. But in the likely case that they aren’t answered, I can find peace in the fact that searching for them will produce even greater knowledge and that my faith will be made stronger by surrendering it all to God.

Manzella, Elias - 2013  Elias is a participant in Siloam’s Community Health Immersion.

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