“There are moments in life, when the heart is so full of emotion that if by chance it be shaken, or into its depths like a pebble drops some careless word, it overflows, and its secret, spilt on the ground like water, can never be gathered together” -Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
I have never really been in touch with my emotions. I have managed them as someone with a chronic disease who waits until a visit the Emergency Room to treat a compounding illness from not seeing a primary doctor for the smaller problems over the years. I generally manage to “effectively” ignore vulnerability. I rarely entertain its validity. However, those who are close to me would say that I am a “crier.” If it does reach ER status, I am bound to be crying, and an emotional hurricane ensues.
Lately, I am finding myself unable to suppress my tears as before. I sense them welling up within me like an unwatched bathtub that slowly fills to the brim, about to overflow. I feel them building with talk of the refugees, saying “good morning” to the little ones running around the apartments, and watching the people in the clinic get through each day. Regardless of the newness surrounding these emotions, I am still keeping them suppressed. I do notice a constant lump in my throat. Yet, that suppression is now being challenged. I swear every person I come into contact with says just what I need to hear in that moment. I valiantly fight the tears internally. How can all of these wise, courageous people be surrounding me at once? From being simply checked in on, to others sharing their “story,” I am encountering love.
The only simple explanation I have is that my emotions are moving as a result of meeting this love in the others around me. It is not that they are specifically planning what comes up in their conversation with me, it is a testimony to how each of them lives their life. The words they share rise to meet my struggle. Their wisdom is hitting me in the deepest place because I am in such a raw state. The sense of peace they have given me is a matchless gift. The tears that result remind me of just how real these internal responses are.
Although they seem slightly uncontrollable right now, I have learned that if I unpack my emotions I may begin to discover new passions, and find deeper meaning in the presence of the people who have been placed in my life to aid in my journey.
Emotion: Noun: A natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one’s circumstances, mood, or relationships with others.